How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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