Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
