david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
