I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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