end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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