Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
