i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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