ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
