you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
