Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
