I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
