Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
