I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
