Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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