Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
