just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize