Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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