Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
