If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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