went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
