oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize