need another drink. this is the easiest way
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
