last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
