Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
