Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
