Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
