This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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