So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
