On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And then my night got REAL pukey
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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