I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
