let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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