So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
