Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize