You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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