Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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