At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
