It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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