Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
