There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
