You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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