so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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