you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
