I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
