hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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