It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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