Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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