she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
