If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
