My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
