I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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