He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
