i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
