she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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