Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
