Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
