I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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