i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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