first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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