Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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