Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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