You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
