drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
