i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
