She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize