You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
