i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
