she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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