U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
