But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
