Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
