Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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