I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
