There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
