Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
